I think I’ve been battling sleep deprivation. Getting used to kittens takes time for both kittens and for me. Ear plugs help, but even they couldn’t muffle the crashing sound when Cleopatra Fluff Fluff turned Ninja and flew onto my stove counter, breaking my utensil holder and sending shattered pottery flying. I wish I had thought to take a picture of her face when I got up and began looking for crash point. In the living room everything was fine. But Fluff Fluff sat there looking at me with the hugest most frightened eyes you ever wanted to see. That cat KNEW she’d done wrong. But where? I found the damage, cleaned up, and went to bed. No use crying over spilt milk, or should I say, broken pottery.
But that doesn’t explain why I chose to stay up late the next night… again playing games. Which led to my getting up late today, and truthfully? I didn’t give my quite time any priority. So I was not armed spiritually for the day. So when the phone call came, and my landlord told me that he wanted to sell the apartment and could he bring someone over tomorrow to see it, you can only imagine my shock.
“But you told me you had not plans to sell? I thought I’d be here for at least five years.”
“I know,” Yaniv answered. “But prices have gone up and we need the money, and we can’t afford not to sell. I have offers. Don’t worry, I will give you three months notice once the apartment is sold, and I will also give you compensation.”
I hung up and felt like I’d been hit by a truck. The thought came to me, “Ask him how much…” Me? God? I don’t know. Feeling beaten before I began I called and asked how much he was asking.
“Well, I was asking NIS 820,000 but someone has offered NIS 850,000. I would take NIS 830,000 from you, but I need to know soon.” (Equivalent to approximately $183,000.)
I told him I doubted if I could buy it, but I was wondering, and hung up. I somehow got through the day, but every cliché for what I felt was there: no wind in the sails, out for the count, and then I came home and started playing stupid games again.
I am so thankful the Holy Spirit is so persistent. The words to songs started going through my mind and the thought kept returning, “Sing, sing to the Lord. You know better than this. Where is your faith?”
Truthfully, I rarely sing by myself, rarely play my piano or guitar, and tiredness has been a daily part of my life since forever… I can’t blame Pharaoh or Fluff Fluff totally. Nope it’s not sleep deprivation. One of my friends suggested the “D” word, depression.
But I finally turned off the game and started playing the piano, and then pulled out my guitar and played and sang some more.
That is when I realized, God is GOOD. He is still in charge. He is not asking me to FEEL it, but He is asking me to live it and walk it. And what do I know? If HE wants me here, in this apartment, either it won’t sell, or maybe the buyer will want me to stay on as a renter, or God will provide. And if not, then that means He has a different way before me. Definitely not MY way… but isn’t that the issue?
“For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, declares the LORD. For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts.”
(Isaiah 55:8–9 ESV)
“For I know the plans I have for you, declares the LORD, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope.”
(Jeremiah 29:11 ESV)
So for now, my feelings are not matching what I know. But I will rest in what I know and not what I feel. Stay tuned for my next adventure. Your guess is as good as mine as to what is in store, but the Lord knows, and that is all that matters. I will trust Him.