It seems like much of my life is filled with misunderstandings and regrets. A word said thoughtlessly is taken to mean something entirely differently from what was intended and the next thing you know, I’m in the dog house.
A colleague accuses me of being condescending, a friend accuses me of not being a true friend, and memories of others who accused me of hurt never actually intended.
And as I write this, I’m struggling to understand what is going on. Fact: I did raise my voice. Fact: I was not angry. Fact: I was frustrated because I could not understand the other person and could not get them to understand me. Fact: I wasn’t wrong, so why should I apologize.
And of course, there it is: the elusive creature that creeps up when least expected. Pride. I’m very quick to tell others that when I point a finger at someone else, three are pointed at me. Of course when I’m actually doing the finger-pointing, I then make every effort to visualize all five fingers pointed at the other—I am not guilty.
And the journey all began when I read the Facebook status of someone and thought, “how proud they are, they need humbled.”
Ooops. The problem with humble pie is that it is not nearly as tasty as lemon meringue. The tart lemon made sweet and covered with whipped sweet egg whites (meringue). But let’s be truthful, how many of us eat whole raw lemons or drink unsweetened undiluted lemon juice? And few people eat raw egg whites.
James 4:10 comes to my mind: “Humble yourselves before the Lord, and he will exalt you.”
And I realize that it is a lot easier to humble myself before God than before man. God knows everything that is in my heart. I usually find that comforting, but I realize, this includes the hidden motives—the pettiness, the sins of omission, not just of commission. And I realize as I write this that I need to humble myself not just before the Lord, but all with whom I have contact. And that is not so easy… and yet what a lesson to consider this Purim weekend, as we remember how God saved my people from a plan of destruction masterminded by a man named Haman, a man who was not humble before God or before man. Truly pride was his destruction.
And so I pray for the Lord to deliver me from my pride, to forgive me, and to help me make things right with my friends, colleagues, and acquaintances.