Life is filled with so many decisions. Most of them are not earth shattering. What to eat for dinner, what to cook for lunch, what to wear, how to spend an evening. I don’t know why, but I’ve always hated making decisions, especially the big ones. You know what I mean, like whether or not to buy a house, get married, or get a car.
And of course there is the decision that determines our eternal destiny. Somehow, choosing to follow Jesus is easier than choosing between leasing or buying a car. For that matter, in decisions related to publishing a book. And just about anything else. I was going through my old creative writing stuff and found a letter I wrote to Rich just before I met him. I didn’t give it to him. I had written about my whole struggle to wrap my head around the “L” word—love. I was full of questions, fears, and doubts.
It made me smile as I reread it. I saw that God had read my letter, and in helping me to say “Yes” to Rich, through our marriage, God had answered all of my questions and more. And Rich only had to put up with one question, the night he asked me marry him. Would I or wouldn’t I say “Yes.” Even I didn’t know, as I initially answered that I didn’t know and needed more time. In the quiet of my room I finally had the peace to say “yes” and fell asleep; poor Rich wrestled all night in prayer wondering how to handle my “no.” But he was so happy when I did say yes. It made a funny story to share, but it was very difficult on him when he went through it.
I still don’t make major decisions any better. I don’t know why. I do know I want my yes to be yes and my no to be no. The problem is, I have a strong, “I Don’t KNOW.” I need to replace my car and am driving everyone I know nuts with the question, “which is better, leasing or buying.” And I’ve gotten two primary responses, 1) It depends, and 2) Are you sure you NEED a car?
I was talking with the person who is helping find and get the car I need, and they said to me, write on a piece of paper, “What do I want from my car?” He said that would answer most of my questions.
Rereading that letter I never gave to Rich, I see the big fear that I struggled with then, is the same as now. What if I make the wrong decision?
Times like this, I cling to the refuge of scripture:
Prov. 16:9 The heart of man plans his way,
but the LORD establishes his steps.
Phil. 2:13 …for it is God who works in you, both to will and to work for his good pleasure.
And with a sigh of relief, I realize, I will make the best choice I can, and as always, He will take care of the rest.