Just me? Yeah, you heard right. At least for now it is official: the girls are staying with friends from church. So now its down to Guay cat and I… without Rich and the girls, this house is way too quiet. I’m glad they haven’t had time to get all the ducks and chickens yet… they give the place a feeling of activity…

I think I mentioned in an earlier post that the bank won’t let me assume the mortgage. So it looks like I’m going to have to look for someplace to live for a while. Seems like so much needs to fall in place for me to get somewhere. Yet all pointers are that I need to find someplace else in slightly better condition to live.

It seems like with the death of my husband, so much else has died with him. Hopes and dreams for a future-with him… And yet, as I read my Bible, and some other old classics by Elisabeth Elliot and others, I am reminded over and over of the complete trustworthiness of God. He has always been, is, and will be sovereign. I am left wondering, “OK, Lord, what do you want me to do next?” For I know, that as Rich and I were saying “I do” three short years ago, the Lord already knew what was going to happen. In His mercy, He did not tell me what was ahead; in His love, I was granted three wonderful years with a very special man.

I am attending a group called “GriefShare” where people who have lost loved ones get together, pray, share, read the Bible and encourage one another. One man there, was married only 6 years before his wife died in an auto accident, leaving him with 2 small boys. Then this morning, as I was rereading some of Elizabeth Elliot’s writings, I was reminded that she was engaged for 5-6 years, and married only two years before her husband Jim was killed by Auca indians. As another friend reminded me a few weeks ago, I can ask “why did we have such a short time together” (a question only to be answered in eternity), or I can be thankful for the three years we had.

Like Elizabeth and the man in GriefShare, I choose to be thankful for what we had.

Today’s devotional (by Elisabeth Elliot) read:

Nothing is Lost

Paul was a man who suffered the loss of everything according to his own claim. Yet any loss he counted pure gain. The key to this transforming of earthly losses into heavenly gains is love. What do we love? If our hearts are set on people  and possessions and position, the loss of those will indeed be irreparable. To the man or woman whose heart is set on Messiah, no loss on Earth can be irreparable. It may shock us for the moment. We may feel hurt, outraged, desolate, helpless. That is our humanity. But the Lord can show us the long view, the incalculable gain in spiritual and eternal terms, if we love Him above all. Everything that belongs to us belongs also to Him. Everything that belongs to Him belongs also to us. What then, can we finally lose? If we lose not Messiah Himself, we have finally lost nothing, for He is our treasure and He has our hearts.

From A Lamp Unto My Feet by Elisabeth Elliot (C)1985

And so, while the surface of things looks far from hopeful, the surface (as with many things) is not a reflection of what is really going on. At breakfast, I was rereading a very old quote from an old book from a conference I attended in college. The speaker was Samuel Kamaleson. He shared something I never forgot and which has become a prayer of my life, prayed often at times like these. I will close with sharing it here for you:

What kind of a God do we serve? Can we trust Him to keep us straight in our commitment? What kind of a commitment is called for tonight? A Yes to end all Noes. If Jesus Christ is God’s Yes to me, then He is my Yes to God tonight. And what am I saying in that Yes? I am saying, “God, if I’m ever tempted to say No, I give you the right to turn me every way but the wrong way. And don’t let me sit on my No. Move me out of it. I trust in you implicitly.

From Declare His Glory Among the Nations edited by David M. Howard, pages 22-23.