Yesterday, while driving to the gym, I was listening to Moody Radio (yes, all the way in Israel). Dr. Erwin W. Lutzer was speaking and his words caught my imagination. Describing Moses on Sinai, after 40 days, he explained that Moses still hadn’t had enough of God, and asked, “Show me your glory.” After 40 days of listening to God, being in His presence, Moses still hadn’t had enough of God. Isn’t that amazing?

Quite truthfully, all too often I pray for 5, or 10, or 20 minutes, and I’ve had enough. I’ve run out of things to pray for and the huge to do list is niggling on at my mind. And while I enjoy having my cats sleep on my lap, after 20 minutes or so they feel heavy. I want to move, to do something. And yet, underneath the restlessness, I long to just be still in the presence of God. But instead of staying, I move on.

That’s not what Moses did. He not only told God he needed to see His glory, he said to Him, “I will not go on with this people if you don’t go with me.” Moses knew the nation was rebellious and disobedient. He knew that God had expressed the desire not to have his presence with the people – and still Moses challenged God. But here is the amazing thing, God relented. His presence did indeed go with the people in the tabernacle. It really is shocking when I think about – God had every reason to give up on Israel – but He didn’t.

As Lutzer shared, he repeated, “Our greatest need, always, is a fresh revelation of God – a fresh revelation of Jesus Christ who reveals the Father to us.” Those words are still ringing in my ears as I sit down to write.

I’m tired of me…

I don’t know about you, but I am so tired of me. What do I mean by that? It seems like lately, my thoughts, deeds, life revolves more around what I want, need, or wish, than around others or God. It may not look like that outwardly, but that is a fairly accurate description of my inner world. Perhaps you can identify: I feel trapped inside of myself, inside of all of who I am. The older I get, the more aware I am becoming of my sin. The more I realize; God has every reason to give up on me – but He doesn’t.

Its kind of funny. I remember when I was younger being aware of how sinful I was. That was why I came to Jesus. I remember so many struggles with so many issues, but I don’t recall being truly disturbed and troubled by my sin. I would ask God to forgive me and move on – but it was a moving on that completely ignored the grace I needed for every single moment of every single day.

Tripped up by pride

I think pride has been something I’ve struggled with since I was kid. There is always something to be proud of, isn’t there? The worst part is, the minute we try to be humble, pride creeps right back in. It’s a devious beast.

Today I got into an argument with someone at work. It doesn’t matter over what. At issue, I thought I was right and if that was the case, then they were wrong. And of course, I’m older than them, have more experience, and didn’t really respect where they were coming from anyway. So when they told me that I was the one that was not correct, I argued by quoting usability studies, experience, and the fact that English communication is not just words, but how those words are presented – both grammatically and graphically. I was technically right.

I hung up the phone and felt so disturbed inside… and deep down inside, the thought, you know he was right.

I stewed a few minutes in my own self-righteous anger, and wondered who was still in the office to complain to. I got up, looked around, no one was there. Went back, sat down… and the soft voice yet again, more a whisper. I did not want to hear that voice. I was right – he was wrong…

And I felt awful. Locked my computer, got ready to close up and go home… and simply couldn’t move. I finally reopened my email and wrote him a note. I didn’t realize what I was going to write until I wrote.

I’ve been thinking about what you said, and you are right, I did “help” in the wrong way and I apologize. I would be upset if you did the same thing to me….

Guilty as charged…

And there it was… I realized as I wrote that I had done the same thing I accuse others of doing with me, trying to tell me that they know better, than me about something that is my responsibility.

I also realized that receiving awards, and being told how smart and wonderful I am are not necessarily the best way to enforce humility. In fact, more than ever I realized that humility is an attitude and not an action. Jesus wouldn’t have behaved as I had.

I need a new revelation of Jesus

Sitting here at home, considering sharing this with you, I was reminded again of Erwin Lutzer’s message. I need, every day, a new revelation of my beautiful wonderful Savior, of His amazing overflowing patience, of His grace poured out for me, of His love – not only for me, but for absolutely every single person – including my colleague at work whom I had not respected, loved, or treated as a child of God.

Maybe this is a good place to be

I realize that where I am, this frustration with self, this recognition of my desperate need of my Savior, just might be a very good place to be. You see, Jesus did not come to heal the healthy, but the sick. How can I experience His healing power in my life, His grace and forgiveness, if I am not aware of how very much I need it?

Lutzer is right, this is what we all need – a new revelation of God.

Thank you, Jesus, for this reminder that You really are working in my life, guiding me to repent, and giving me a new vision of You, of how wonderful You are. Thank you that I can come to You boldly before the Throne of Grace, and seek forgiveness, and that You are changing me, and You are teaching me to love others the way You love them. Father, I have a long way to go – thank you that You will never give up on me!

Listen to Erwin Lutzer’s message on Moody Radio