Tag-Archive for » trusting God in impossible circumstances «

Alone again….

08
Oct
2010
Category: Dvora  Tags: , ,  3 Comments

Just me? Yeah, you heard right. At least for now it is official: the girls are staying with friends from church. So now its down to Guay cat and I… without Rich and the girls, this house is way too quiet. I’m glad they haven’t had time to get all the ducks and chickens yet… they give the place a feeling of activity…

I think I mentioned in an earlier post that the bank won’t let me assume the mortgage. So it looks like I’m going to have to look for someplace to live for a while. Seems like so much needs to fall in place for me to get somewhere. Yet all pointers are that I need to find someplace else in slightly better condition to live.

It seems like with the death of my husband, so much else has died with him. Hopes and dreams for a future-with him… And yet, as I read my Bible, and some other old classics by Elisabeth Elliot and others, I am reminded over and over of the complete trustworthiness of God. He has always been, is, and will be sovereign. I am left wondering, “OK, Lord, what do you want me to do next?” For I know, that as Rich and I were saying “I do” three short years ago, the Lord already knew what was going to happen. In His mercy, He did not tell me what was ahead; in His love, I was granted three wonderful years with a very special man.

I am attending a group called “GriefShare” where people who have lost loved ones get together, pray, share, read the Bible and encourage one another. One man there, was married only 6 years before his wife died in an auto accident, leaving him with 2 small boys. Then this morning, as I was rereading some of Elizabeth Elliot’s writings, I was reminded that she was engaged for 5-6 years, and married only two years before her husband Jim was killed by Auca indians. As another friend reminded me a few weeks ago, I can ask “why did we have such a short time together” (a question only to be answered in eternity), or I can be thankful for the three years we had.

Like Elizabeth and the man in GriefShare, I choose to be thankful for what we had.

Today’s devotional (by Elisabeth Elliot) read:

Nothing is Lost

Paul was a man who suffered the loss of everything according to his own claim. Yet any loss he counted pure gain. The key to this transforming of earthly losses into heavenly gains is love. What do we love? If our hearts are set on people  and possessions and position, the loss of those will indeed be irreparable. To the man or woman whose heart is set on Messiah, no loss on Earth can be irreparable. It may shock us for the moment. We may feel hurt, outraged, desolate, helpless. That is our humanity. But the Lord can show us the long view, the incalculable gain in spiritual and eternal terms, if we love Him above all. Everything that belongs to us belongs also to Him. Everything that belongs to Him belongs also to us. What then, can we finally lose? If we lose not Messiah Himself, we have finally lost nothing, for He is our treasure and He has our hearts.

From A Lamp Unto My Feet by Elisabeth Elliot (C)1985

And so, while the surface of things looks far from hopeful, the surface (as with many things) is not a reflection of what is really going on. At breakfast, I was rereading a very old quote from an old book from a conference I attended in college. The speaker was Samuel Kamaleson. He shared something I never forgot and which has become a prayer of my life, prayed often at times like these. I will close with sharing it here for you:

What kind of a God do we serve? Can we trust Him to keep us straight in our commitment? What kind of a commitment is called for tonight? A Yes to end all Noes. If Jesus Christ is God’s Yes to me, then He is my Yes to God tonight. And what am I saying in that Yes? I am saying, “God, if I’m ever tempted to say No, I give you the right to turn me every way but the wrong way. And don’t let me sit on my No. Move me out of it. I trust in you implicitly.

From Declare His Glory Among the Nations edited by David M. Howard, pages 22-23.

If it isn’t one thing, it’s another

20
Sep
2010
Category: Dvora  Tags:  3 Comments

I won’t bore you with all the details… but my goodness, things seem to be taking on their own momentum.

Today, while I was driving, the engine suddenly just stopped for no seeming reason at all. It seems that the overheating light was supposed to light up and tell me that I had a problem. It didn’t. There was plenty of coolant, but it wasn’t getting into the radiator. Car overheated – blew a head gasket, new water pump, and radiator… oh and to add insult to injury….

I got a letter from the mortgage company that reads: “We regret to inform you that this loan is not eligible for an assumption due to the terms of this loan.” So I asked them what they meant. They said, if you want to stay there, keep paying. And I asked, “Why would I pay on a mortgage that is not mine on a house that is not in my name.” They said, “well, you won’t have to pay, but then we’d foreclose.” So I asked them why I would want to pay a mortgage at 10.6% for the next 30 years – so they said, “well you could refinance.” I said, if the mortgage is not in my name can I refinance?” And they said, “Oh, right – no you can’t do that.”

Oh, and that is only the tip of the iceberg of the frustrating things that happened today… However, God has given me good work to do, if I can just get my head focused and work instead of letting myself get distracted with things like houses, mortgage companies, cars, relationships, and life -

I had a nice chat with my daughter-in-law tonight, and we actually started to laugh together, as we realized, hey, as bad as all this feels right now… God really IS in charge and His word is true, and part of that is ALL things work for good to those who love the Lord.

I am reminded yet again of Job, and his refusal to deny God despite what happened. And Job never did find out why. Another friend encouraged me with something similar a few days ago… I can keep asking why, or be thankful for the three years I had with Rich.

And I am thankful for those three years – very thankful. My brother-in-law actually was the one to remind me that he found comfort at times in the book of Job, back when Rich was in hospital… and you know what? He is right…How much more so now? Someone else reminded me, “Don’t question in the darkness what you knew for certain in the light.”

And then there is my favorite verse from the time I was a child, from Proverbs: Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not to your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will direct your path.

I may not know where this path is leading, but I know HE is leading… thank you God, that You are sovereign.

Amen and Amen

Comforting Facts

06
Sep
2010
Category: Dvora, Grief  Tags:  3 Comments

This morning, I was reading my Bible and thinking about all the things that I’ve been struggling with this past week. In many ways, it is not the why so much as the, “what now.” I have no choice but to take things day by day… and I am thankful that God is with me every step of the way. But that does not mean I don’t miss Rich, or long for everything to be clear to me. But the truth is, I feel so much in a fog most days… like I’m muddling through, hoping tomorrow I’ll do better, or see more clearly. Yesterday someone shared some things that really comforted me. As I thought about those things, and wrote in my diary, I thought I’d share these thoughts with you. May they encourage you as they have me.

Yesterday, A.H. shared a perspective on predestination I’d never considered before. He said that it really is simply another aspect of God’s sovereignty.

  • How can we rest in God’s promises if we do not trust Him?
  • How can we trust Him if He is not fully in control?

Fact – God is in control.

Fact – I’m not

Fact – God knew all this would happen

Fact – God is not surprised or overwhelmed

Fact – Even Jesus wept at Lazarus’ death, and He knew what He was going to do

Fact – I’m human, a sinner, and not God; all my best desires are only that

Fact – The Holy Spirit lives in me and is still leading me and working in me

Fact – I do have free will

Fact – My will is NOT strong than God’s will

Fact – God loves our girls more than I do

Fact – All things work for good to those who love the Lord, who are called according to His purpose (Romans 8:28)

Fact – My feelings to not define my situation

Fact – What I see is not all there is

Fact – God is able to do exceeding abundant beyond all I can ask or imagine

Conclusion: I will trust You Lord, and let You wipe my tears.

Almost Snowed In

19
Dec
2008
Category: Dvora  Tags: , ,  One Comment

Well, we are almost snowed in… been snowing since last night. A got up early to begin shoveling… and an hour later everything looked covered up. I’ll be going out a bit later to try and clear out the driveway for when she comes home.

In the meantime, am working on my site, searching for work, cooking, cleaning, reading, and waiting and hoping…

Hope is a strange thing. What I am rediscovering, is that my hope is not based on feelings, but on what I know to be true. If God is utterly faithful (and He is), then as difficult as this time is for Rich and I, God is not surprised and our hope is not in vain.

Been spending some time reading about God’s faithfulness. How many times have I struggled with that very issue? I remember hearing a teaching where someone said that you’d think we’d get it by now, but once we pass a test, God wants us to grow, and so we face the same issues, but with greater challenges.

I guess that is why I created this site – hope-challenged. Certainly, as the lack of job opportunities continues, my hope is indeed challenged. But then I realize how much is at stake here. There really is an enemy of our souls. He wants to see us defeated.

Well, I don’t know about you, but I don’t want to be a part of shaming my Lord Jesus… and so I choose to cling to the Hope He has given me – not in my capabilities, they are too small; not in the economy – who knows if it will improve; not in others helping me – many are in the same situation we are in, and worse; not in anything other than the One True God stepping into our situation and helping us.

He may take His time from my perspective; I may not understand what He is doing – but I guess I just need a bit more of an eternal and heavenly perspective.

I will trust in Him…