Rich remains stable. His breathing seems to be getting shallower, but as long as he receives pain medication regularly, he is comfortable. He has been awake on and off throughout the day, enabling us to encourage him and share. I’ve had some precious time with him reading and singing.

Someone whom I consider a friend wrote to me with a difficult question. I know they would like to remain anonymous, so I am not going to share their name, but I would like to share with you their question and my answer, because I am sure some of you have the same question. And truthfully, so have I.

They wrote to me: “If Rich is still with us in a couple days and is stable, what is God’s plan for him? Is that a sign he’s supposed to recover?”

Here is my reply:

I am not God… all I can share with you is what I was praying about on the way to the hospital this afternoon. I was praying about this same thing, and felt like the Lord was encouraging me to trust Him that He knows what is best. He knows what He is doing. The thoughts crossed my mind, that His purposes are being worked in ways I cannot see. And that He wanted me to encourage Rich to keep His eyes on Jesus, and to remember that He is preparing a place for Him and will take Him to Himself soon. To know that while we cannot see or understand, He is doing HIS good work in us. I shared that with Rich this evening and asked if He believed that and He opened his eyes upward.

Later, I sang him a song that he has always loved. When I sang it he opened his eyes very wide open. When I finished he closed his eyes. I asked if he wanted me to sing the song again. He gave me the Yes sign, and I did, and he fell asleep part way through the song and rested a while. (I’ll put the words at the end of this post.)

I believe, that if Rich is supposed to recover, he will recover, and quickly – not slowly or agonizingly. And as for the purpose of pain in this world… philosophers greater than I have no answer. Who am I? I simply rest in the truth of God’s word. Romans 8 has been a great comfort to me, and I think to Rich. I’ve read it to him a few times and he has opened his eyes in acknowledgment of it. ” For I consider that the sufferings of this present time are not worthy to be compared with the glory that is to be revealed to us.”

With all my heart, I know that Rich’s current suffering is somehow being used by God to do something wonderful in Rich, as Rich prepares his heart to see his savior.

How? Why? When? I cannot answer these questions, only walk through them.

—————–

Here are the words to the song that Rich likes so much. In fact he had me get the accompaniment track because he wanted me to sing it in church sometime. I’ve been singing it to him here with the accompaniment track.

Who am I by Casting Crowns

Who am I?
That the Lord of all the earth,
Would care to know my name,
Would care to feel my hurt.
Who am I?
That the bright and morning star,
Would choose to light the way,
For my ever wandering heart.

Bridge:
Not because of who I am,
But because of what you’ve done.
Not because of what I’ve done,
But because of who you are.

Chorus:
I am a flower quickly fading,
Here today and gone tomorrow,
A wave tossed in the ocean,
A vapor in the wind.
Still you hear me when I’m calling,
Lord, you catch me when I’m falling,
And you’ve told me who I am.
I am yours.
I am yours.

Who am I?
That the eyes that see my sin
Would look on me with love
And watch me rise again.
Who am I?
That the voice that calmed the sea,
Would call out through the rain,
And calm the storm in me.

Not because of who I am,
But because of what you’ve done.
Not because of what I’ve done,
But because of who you are.

I am a flower quickly fading,
Here today and gone tomorrow,
A wave tossed in the ocean,
A vapor in the wind.
Still you hear me when I’m calling,
Lord, you catch me when I’m falling,
And you’ve told me who I am.
I am yours.

Not because of who I am,
But because of what you’ve done.
Not because of what I’ve done,
But because of who you are.

I am a flower quickly fading,
Here today and gone tomorrow,
A wave tossed in the ocean,
A vapor in the wind.
Still you hear me when I’m calling,
Lord, you catch me when I’m falling,
And you’ve told me who I am.
I am yours.
I am yours.
I am yours.

Whom shall I fear
Whom shall I fear
I am yours..
I am yours..

Rich has had the gastric tube inserted. He seems to be sleeping now – without a sedative – which I imagine is healthier than with a sedative. The new information though, is they think they’ve detected an indication of a “small” collapse in the bottom lobe of his right lung. In addition, another small bacteria appeared in a new culture. Because they are concerned about drug interactions, his diabetes, kidneys, and fighting the bacteria, they’ve asked for an infectious disease consult, more to be sure they are using the best antibiotics for him.

However, they’ve voiced a great deal of concern about these issues. Sometimes it seems all too much to take in.

I slept at home last night, and slept fairly well. Still, I found it hard to get going. Had to go to the bank and pick up some documents that need to be signed and went to breakfast at the restaurant next to the bank that Rich and I often liked to go to when we wanted time to ourselves to just sit, and talk.

Not thinking, I saw that our usual table was empty. He prefers chairs, I prefer booths and best when looking out a window. So I went an sat there, looking at the empty chair across from me. The waitress asked me if anyone else would be joining me today. I answered, “I wish” and was suddenly fighting back the tears… When I explained, she asked me if I wanted to move, and I said no – I wanted to sit there. I want to remember.

So many good memories of us sitting there discussing heart issues, spiritual issues, his campaign, life, and just plain laughing together and enjoying a chance to get out and relax together. Too few.

Listening to the doctors, Rich’s outlook seems so bleak. But I know, that if this moment was truly God’s time to take him, his heart could have stopped. So many things could have happened up until now. I just want to sit with him. Even when he’s sleeping, and just be here. Maybe read a bit – but let time be frozen….

The mundanity of life intrudes. I HAVE to work. I not only have very patient clients depending on me – but the work needs to be done – for them and for our family to meet daily needs.

Paperwork… I have a pile of papers sitting next to me that I need to sort through. Documents to complete and sign. Applications to submit here and there, a few phone calls to make. I’m looking at the pile of papers and simply do not want to deal with them. Not today…

I wish I did not have to go home to get some sleep. I joke with people, as I did at work in Israel. I may have the weight of two people but I have not figured out how to effectively BE two people. If I could, one of me would sleep, one would work, then one would do the paper work, and the other could just sit with Rich. One of me could be here, and one of me could be home for our girls.

But God, in His wisdom did not make us this way. Times like this I am so aware of His strength carrying me. And I am sure HE is with my husband and the kids… Yesterday one of the nurses said, “Your husband must be very special, he has so many visitors, and they all seem to love him so much.”

So as my husband sleeps, I am learning to rest in our God. Moment by moment. I remember the words of Jesus. “Take no thought for tomorrow, today has enough cares for the day… be anxious for nothing.”

Fixing my eyes on my Lord, I can do that. I can just live now, in this moment… the rest will come in His time.

Well, yesterday it hit 90 degrees F for the first time this summer. Last summer it barely got into the 80s… so I finally am starting to warm up.

There is much to be thankful for. Some good contracts helping to make ends meet, Rich’s official nomination by the Libertarian Party of Michigan to run for the 2nd Congressional district – elections in November.

I had a blessed visit with my maid of honor at the end of April, and attended a national technical writers conference in May. Been fighting a bad cold since I got back though, finally starting to feel a lot better.

I find what is going on here in the US quite disconcerting. It seems that there is none so blind as those who will not see. Some things trickle in via the news, others, you just have to research and look to figure it all out. Our government has gone mad. Saw a recent news article about an autistic young man who could not receive medical treatment because – he was autistic. Unbelievable!

But the news in other nations is not much better. After a relative period of freedom, the communist government in China is starting to take a harsher stance towards Christians again. In fact, the US is currently considering approving an international rights of children treaty which, if signed, would consider teaching our children to believe in Jesus as a crime of indoctrination that deprives children of their rights!

I should not be surprised. These are all symptoms of the foolishness of this world as it seeks to totally deny God. Yet it is GOD who provides the very air we breathe. Every time the weather refuses to obey the mandates of man, we have proof that we cannot control our world. Those who claim they do not believe in God are threatened by the mute testimony of God’s existence. Otherwise, why try to legislate what we can and cannot teach? Odd how I, as a believer in God have never once tried to force anyone to believe in God, yet political correctness and anti-hate speech tries to legislate what I can and cannot say.

I cannot say homosexuality is a sin. It offends the homosexual.

They don’t want me to talk about creation. It is unscientific.

Yet our world is caught up in the insane worship of climate change, global warming, and offending no one for the sake of making everyone happy.

Many years ago, I remember realizing as I read the book of Revelation that for those things to happen, it would require a dumbed down society of people refusing or unable to think for themselves. I never dreamed I would see that society happening in my lifetime. Yet everyday I watch new things happening in the news and around us in our society, in the US and globally. People are shirking their responsibilities and want the government to completely support them. We have never been closer to a totalitarian society here in the US, than now.

When I watch how crowds respond to our President, my mind flashes back to reruns from Hitler’s Germany. Does no one see it? If I think about these things too much, I can feel quite hopeless.

But then I remember. Jesus IS Lord. He remains on the throne. God has made known the end from the beginning exactly for this purpose, that we NOT give up hope. And perhaps that answers the question as to why the Book of Revelation is so important to believers. Forgetting all the theological arguments, pre-Trib, mid-Trib, post-Trib, millenium or not – the real message is this:

GOD WINS!

You cannot legislate divinity. As the old hymn goes, “My hope is built on nothing less than Jesus and HIS righteousness.”

So let my hope be challenged. There are struggles and they will continue. They most likely will get even more difficult. I will have up and down days, as my body and emotions react to aging and the times. But I’ve read the end of the book. And I am so thankful that the day is coming when I will see God’s victory, final and complete over this sinful and fallen world, and He will indeed make all things new, including me! Amen and Amen.

Well, this is my third Thanksgiving in Michigan. My first one here was rushed, hectic, noisy, chaotic, and nice (except for when Guay puked on our bed and we had to go to a laundromat at 11 pm on Thanksgiving to clean the sheets). My second Thanksgiving was a bit more laid back and cold!

This Thanksgiving seems like tradition has set in. The menu was easy to decide upon. I sat with Andrea and we talked about what we “usually” do and decided what would be enough and who is fixing what. I’ve started the preparations, the shopping is done, most of the family will be here… and I’m looking forward to a special day of giving thanks and being thankful for God’s goodness to us.

I keep saying I’m going to write more, and then I never do. Seems like it’s jumps and spurts. I want to keep this site going and get more information on it as well. I just seem to get sidetracked. Don’t know that anyone is really interested in my writing, but I’ll be adding a new collection of short stories (if you are interested). If you enjoy the stories (or any of my other writings on the site), please leave a donation as an encouragement for me to keep writing.

As far as the rest of life, I’m still looking for full-time work, but very thankful for the two small jobs I have right now via ODesk.com. I was on their top 25 technical writers for the month of October and hopeful this will bring me more clients needing quality documentation.

I applied for a job here in Michigan. They would be interested in me, if I was willing to work for slightly more than minimum wage. But I make more on Odesk than that salary would have paid–and would have been twice as busy and working twice as hard!

But this is Michigan:

• There are 10 states in the US facing bankruptcy. Michigan is one of them.
• While national unemployment is at 10.1% (Oct. 2009), Michigan has the highest unemployment rate in the US at 15.1%. This rate does not include people who no longer qualify for unemployment benefits or never qualified for them.
• In October 2009, Michigan reported the highest increase in unemployment (hey, I get to contribute to the November statistic, what will it be?)

Data taken from United States Bureau of Labor Statistics

So why am I thankful and for what?

I am thankful for:

• The God of creation who is my God, and my Lord and my Savior Yeshua HaMashiach
• The amazing salvation I have in Yeshua
• Promises from God that no one can take away
• A wonderful husband who loves God and loves me
• This very special family where God has planted me
• That each month, despite the ups and downs, we’ve been able to pay our bills

I was reading in my Bible this morning and realized that I had not thought a lot about one very special promise from Yeshua.

Come to Me, all who are weary and heavy-laden, and I will give you rest.  Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls.
Matt: 11:28-29

I realized as I reread this that it is not rest for my body, but rest for my soul that I need. Elsewhere, we are encouraged not to be anxious for anything, but to bring all our requests to our Father in heaven. (Phil. 4:6). God promises to meet ALL our needs, but He still wants to hear ALL our requests. And as I lay these in His hands, I do indeed find peace for my soul.

This world challenges our hope. It seeks to choke it out. But for those of us who have placed our hope in the Creator of the Universe, we have an anchor to hang on to in every storm. Our hope cannot be moved because HE cannot be moved.

Blessed Thanksgiving to you all!

Well, this week has been one that goes in the record of being difficult….

Quatro, Andrea’s cat became ill very suddenly. Rich and I did what we could, but in the end the vet said that he had irreversable kidney damage… and so we had to say goodbye to Quay cat’s only other cat friend.

Quatro was a very sweet kitty, you could hold him any which way. He was everywhere in the house, wherever people were, there was Quatro, meowing, asking for attention, running between our legs, and sleeping in EVERY chair… seemingly at the same time. We are thankful to God for him, and give him back to his creator with not a few tears.
We had to change our hosting service and the transfer of the files has been nothing short of a nightmare. But thanks to some people more knowledgeable than I, things are finally starting to be up and running and I can finally catch up with everyone.
My contract ended in October and I am trying to get other work lined up. Have put out applications, and need to get brochures and business cards printed to distribute to local research libraries. I have one small contract that just got smaller; seems the client erroneously offered me my going rate rather than asking me for the same rate he had for a previous project. End result, I will keep the curent rate but have less hours to work for them.
All in all, hope seems to be quite challenged this week. Rich and I have wept a few tears together, and we cry out to our Lord for HIS mercy on us and HIS goodness, that HE might be glorified in our lives.

Someone once said that what is easy for nonbelievers is difficult for believers that our dependency may always be on our Lord and not on ourselves. We know and trust in His goodness. I know that He will provide, because He always has before. I think the struggle is that when things start to get difficult it is so easy to want to curl up like a wounded animal and hide… but it is then when God asks us to stand tall and march on keeping our eyes fixed on Jesus, the author and finisher of our faith.

Even so, Lord Jesus, come quickly.  Amen.