Wow, two months since I’ve written. I have to admit I’ve THOUGHT about it a lot… but not really gotten anywhere.

The past couple of months have been refining ones, teaching me to trust in God’s goodness, even if I don’t see it. Truthfully, I have to admit to wasting more time than I’d have liked to. You can only spend so much time looking for work and applying for job after job, wondering where the next contract will come from.

With Rich running for congress, I’ve also been made far more aware of the issues facing America than I would have realized had I stayed single in Israel, or if Rich was politically uninvolved. Seems to me that America, like many other nations, has critical decisions that will determine its future. I am not optimistic. I’ve read the end of the Book… our hope is not in the nations of this world, but in my real home of which I am true citizen…

But that does not mean we can be uninvolved. I am proud of my husband that he cares and wants to do something to say “No, our country does not have to go this route.” Will people listen? I don’t know. But we can pray for a spirit of repentance to fall on our nation, and all the nations, and that God would grant yet more time to people to repent.

These are hope-challenging times. The newspaper this week had an article about how more people than ever did not pay income tax this year. Their analysis was that something is wrong with the tax code, and all people need to pay something. Rich and I were thinking, yes, but that is not the total picture. It is a reflection of how many people are out of work and losing their homes. As the saying goes, you cannot bleed a turnip!

I suppose, it is this climate that has weighed so heavily on me. Yet God has provided. We have not missed a payment on our mortgage, though their were weeks I wondered if this would be the month when we do… Every time, a small contract here, another small job there… and it does add up.

Now God has graciously provided me with three major contracts, all with different time lines, so I can use them to fill in gaps around each other. In addition, I’m hopefully getting a bit of publicity through writing for a local on-line newspaper about different issues related to technical communication. You can take a look if you’d like. Please forward the link to whomever you think would be interested…

Finally, something else that is a real blessing, I was granted free registration (close to $1000 value) to the Society for Technical Communication annual conference. A friend who is attending has advised I can share her room and only pay the difference (if any), and I was able to get an amazingly low cost ticket. So I am flying to Dallas on May 2 to 5 to attend the conference. Something that will definately contribute to my skills and knowledge and help me keep up to date in my career.

So I guess that is all the news for now…. there have been many other answers to prayer. The challenge? To keep my eyes on Jesus, the author and finisher of my faith. Amen and Amen.

It’s been an interesting past couple of weeks. I honestly didn’t know how we were going to pay the mortgage for February, and then my dear hubbie got a quite unexpected gift that covered it. A week later I got another contract for some work, of all places, in Australia. And today I received notification that I have received a grant that paid for my professional membership in the Society for Technical Communication. I’ve also gotten an opportunity to do some writing for an online news/entertainment site focusing on Grand Rapids. I will have my own section focusing only on Technical Writing. It won’t pay at first, but there is potential. I’ll keep you posted there.

Well, other than it being weird having conference calls at night so I can talk with people in the day time tomorrow, the new work is good. Don’t know what will be next, but it sure is interesting.

The girls are out with friends, Rich is reading, and the house is quiet. It is windy and cold outside, but at least we aren’t getting the snow they are getting in DC. So that is all for now!

A Bible verse that spoke to me in a new way recently was in I John 4:18-19

There is no fear in love; but perfect love casts out fear, because fear involves punishment, and the one who fears is not perfected in love. We love, because He first loved us.

As I read that verse I also thought about how I am comforted by the humanity of Jesus, as well as His divinity. If He had been only divine, I would be totally undone. But Jesus was also fully human. He knew what it was like to hurt, to be lonely, and to be assailed by fear. But He never sinned by giving in to those things. And because He felt and experienced those things, He is able also to be merciful to me.

Lately I’ve been so assailed by fear. But as I read and reread that verse in I John, I realized that I am forgetting God’s great love for me. God does not punish His children… He does discipline them. But those are huge differences, like the difference between repentance and penance. Repentance turns away from a sin knowing there is no way it can ever be made right; penance keeps looking at the sin and tries to make things right… but can never succeed.

As I looked at bills, the lack of writing contracts, my husband’s health, and times when I so wish I could be an encouragement to our girls but feeling shut out… I realized I was beginning to yield to fear. As I look at that verse again right now, I realize how much fear robs me, not just of my peace, but of my relationships. Who wants to relate to a fearful person? How can I truly love others when I am filled with fear?

And so I’ve been continuing the battle to keep my eyes fixed on Jesus, the author and finisher of my faith. Has everything changed? No. But there have been answers to prayer. Rich received a birthday greeting with a check in it: our mortgage is covered for another month. We will be able to pay the taxes. I got another small contract with an Israeli company in California, and have another contract pending with a business in Australia. Sadly one of the girls new calves died… I am doubly sad because I don’t know how to help them other than to just be here. Rich is still struggling with his health but we had a good meeting yesterday with a diabetes specialist who had several suggestions and actual supplies to help him.

Life will always have its ups and downs. But I am so thankful for Jesus, walking with me, mercifully guiding and leading, every step of the way.

Well it took long enough… I finaly got some repairs done to this site and it is now runing as desired. So not I can add content…

But I do have something to praise the Lord for. I am sure you will rejoice with us. Rich called me this afternoon while he was out doing some errands (I was home working). He had gone to the hospital to make a payment on the stress test he took several months ago. He had gone to pay in person because they wanted to talk to him. When he got there, they would not accept the payment. They had reviewed our paperwork and decided that we really could not afford the test, and would cover it from other sources. In other words, a $1900 debt has been cancelled.

We are so thankful to the Lord for this grace towards us! A recruiter called me today, and perhaps something will turn up. I don’t know. Mixed feelings about driving over an hour every day for new work, but if the salary is reasonable… we shall see. For now, I have a couple of small jobs at home for which I’m thankful.

I had no sooner finished my last post when the phone rang. It was a head-hunter asking if I was interested in a particular documentation management position. While the position pays a lot less than one would have hoped with my background and experience, it is a direct hire with full benefits – no small thing. So I am going to apply. I have a pre-interview on Monday at 10 am to prepare me for the real interview. I expect to learn a lot that will help me. I like this agency. They seem a lot more serious than some of the ones I applied to.

I am thankful my printer is not broken… no end of printing problems, but in the end, a simple fix (visit my professional site at http://www.tech-challenged.com for details). So now Andrea and I can continue working on family Christmas gifts.

I am thankful for store sales that enabled us to find a good pair of shoes for Rich for only $30.

And I am so very thankful, that even though we remain unemployed, the Lord has provided so that we can still meet our obligations.

Over and over I am reminded of the what Jesus taught: “Take no thought for tomorrow, today has enough cares of its own… consider the Lilies of the field… not one sparrow falls without the Father noting… you are of more value than they.”

I suppose some people may disagree with me, but I begin to think that the whole way our society works is with a focus so set on tomorrow that we loose today. Everything is about the “what ifs”. I need insurance, pension, bank accounts, savings plans. Everything must be arranged for that what if day that may or may not come. While there is sense in being prepared (no one builds a building without counting the cost), the what ifs, and all of the insurance, pension, and savings plans have us trusting in our own strength for the fears of tomorrow.

In some ways, while I may not like it, I begin to think that we are better off not knowing how things will turn out… in the end, if my confidence is in the Lord, then I already know the end of the story. I do not know about tomorrow’s provision – but I know what He has provided for today. And it is good, and it is enough…

We here in America have no idea how well off we are compared with others. I am reminded of this often when I’m tempted to complain. So Thank you Lord for your goodnes to us.