Conversations with doctors and nurses, yesterday, and again this morning, focus on the moral and ethical issues that we are facing in Rich’s care. The path between playing God and “Inshallah” (fatalistic view of If God wills).
The path between playing God and doing nothing. Choices. Medications, tracheotomy, life support, feeding tubes, or letting go, and if so, how…
This morning, I have been reading in John 14 and 15. Over and over Jesus promises another Helper, His presence, and a promise that whatsoever we ask, He will do that the Father be glorified. In Romans 8, I am reminded that I don’t always know what to ask, and that the spirit prays with groans after the will of God.
When I was a nurse, over 25 years ago now, I struggled with these ethical and moral dilemmas as a caregiver. How much more as the person to whom the medical staff are turning and asking, how do you want to proceed? What do you want to do?
Rich is in pain. They give him a mild sedative and a pain medication which, in combination help him to sleep. It takes all of his effort, when he is awake to communicate with his eyes. His pneumonia is worse and they may need to do a bronchoscopy. Humanly and medically speaking, Rich’s condition is hopeless. One of the doctors and I talked this morning about the issues we face. He admitted that this is difficult. “But,” he pointed out, “if you are looking for an answer, where is it? He is alive only because of the treatment he is receiving now.”
Is that playing God? And if not, when IS it playing God. I believe that God has given us these technologies to help people, but, as the doctor I was just talking with pointed out, “Yes, these technologies are amazing – but they are a two-edged sword.”
As I ramble I am reminded of another two-edged sword. The word of God, which is “…quick, and powerful, and sharper than any two edged sword, piercing even to the dividing asunder of soul and spirit, and of the joints and marrow, and is a discerner of the thoughts and intents of the heart.” Hebrews 4:12
As I read John 14 &15, what do I ask of my Lord? Lord, raise Rich up. Bring healing to his body. Raise him up. And then I am drawn to remember what happened after John 14 and I see Jesus in Gethsemane, pleading with His father to take this cup from His hands. But Jesus adds, “nevertheless, not my will, but Yours be done.”
I do not want to have to make these difficult decisions. As I consider them all, I also pray, “Lord, take these decisions out of my hands.” And HE knows what I mean by this, either heal Rich or…
But for now, Rich is with us and I will rejoice in every moment I still have with me this precious man who is my husband. I will be thankful for every chance the Lord is giving for our family to talk with Rich and bring healing to relationships. I will encourage Rich in this Fight of Faith, until we see which healing the Lord grants to Him – healing here, or healing in one of the mansions Jesus is preparing for him.
Thank you Jesus, that you are with us, and especially that You are with Rich in this hour. Hold Rich to yourself dear Lord, and guide us in your paths. Amen and Amen.
One more thing to consider in this delimma: What would Rich want for himself? If he were alive, what would he be saying to you? Still, I understand that it is you guys who ahve to make that decision, the most difficult one you’ll ever have to make. Think of Rich too: Is this the life he wants to have, seeing you guys but not being able to communicate, relate, hassle etc….????? Is he aching for the fact that he is unable to reach out and touch your hand or his kids??
We are praying that God’s will be done and that God will pass the cup….may you have peace and wisdom today as you enjoy are with Rich.
Dear Debbie,
I can only share with you my own experience. I am sure God’s ways take into consideration things beyond our present abilities to fully discern, and that He considers the details of each of His children in relation to His own plan and purpose in Christ to show forth His Glory and the ultimate blessing of His creatures.
In my case, my first wife had an incurable form of Cancer which with medical help lasted for a year and a half. We were caring for her in the home with the help of Hospice. A few days before the Lord took her, she told us that the end was near. The night before her departure we were at the end of our ability to do anything more for her and were considering trying to move her to the hospital the next day. We prayed for her at the bedside that night for her to have peace and rest for the night. She made a sound as she tried to communicate something. I later felt that she was trying to say she wanted to by with the Lord, not just get through the night. My son Phil was at the bedside and I went to my room just to rest for a moment. I felt I had to pray that the Lord would take her as we were at the end of our abilities. Shortly there after, the Lord answered that prayer.
May God give you his mercy and grace in relation to Rich and the family,
Your brother and sister in Christ.
Jon and Layla
Wishing you, Rich, and the children the wisdom and comfort of God. May His grace be sufficient and His will known. To God be the glory.
Dear Debbie,
These decisions are very hard for you and the family. I know that’s an understatement. Keep in mind that which ever way the LORD moves, life will be different. It is possible that he could linger for a length of time, and need assistance, at the very least. Know that this is His will too … as hard as that may seem. If the infection is brought under control that would be a good sign. If he has to be helped through via these modern means in order to fight that infection, and he improves because of it, then it is also God’s doing. Though this is coming to you at life’s bleakest hour … still God remains in control. If the infection is not brought under control God will bring him home to himself, and nothing humanly possible will interfear with His purposes. His Word tells us to “teach us to number our days” likewise, He alone knows how many we have left in this life.
I’m praying for you and the family.
David Muniz (one of the Cousins out East in NJ)
Hi David,
The verse that you are quoting is one that Rich and I have often discussed. I have realized that today, the answer is really simple. We find out what our options are and do what is best for Rich to keep Him comfortable. The rest is in God’s hands.
We had a wonderful day today. He was awake quite a while when Lloyd and Kristina were here. We talked, he answered Yes/No questions, and was even able to help me play Yahtzee. I’d throw the dice and he would move his eyes to indicate, based on what I told him, which number to throw for. I won the game!
At the same time, I look in his eyes, and I see the fear, the weariness and the questions. Jess arrived this evening and we pray for that as well. Well, I promised I’d get to bed, so I’d better do it. I’ll write more tomorrow, I hope.
I’m worried about Jess & family … hope Loyd and Kristina will be a buffer. I’ll continue to pray … ‘just seems so strange to have all this happen at once. Timing is critical. I said to Virginia that we need to be alert, sensitive, and understanding … we may never again have this apportunity to impact the next generation to this extent. Those in our care are watching carefully how we deal with difficult, trying situations. This is more than anyone could’ve imagined, even just a week ago.