Hope for the Hope Challenged

New Subscribe Feature

Dvora — Wed, 08 Sep 2010 19:34:48 +0000

For those of you who are interested, I’ve enabled a new subscribe option on my blog. Click the Subscribe page (top of left menu item), enter your email address and subscribe. That way, you can receive an email notification when I post a new entry. I hope this makes communication simpler, and removes the need for you to check regularly.

Of course, if you don’t subscribe, you have to check back regularly!

Oh, and Happy New Year – Rosh HaShanna – May we all hear the last trump soon!

God IS Good

Dvora — Tue, 07 Sep 2010 17:01:43 +0000

Today did not start out well. My little good mileage Ford is not running, so I needed to take the van for errands. And the Check Engine light came on… great. It would be funny if I was not feeling so assailed by so much lately. Just last Thursday I was thanking for the Lord for how well the Ford was running. The next day, I went to take it out and could start it, but couldn’t get it to go into gear – something wrong with the gear shift.

So I started driving the van… and then the Check Engine light came on. I stopped at the garage and they said that for now all is OK and safe to drive, unless I notice anything odd in how the car handles. Rich and I had been praying about selling both the Ford and the Van and trying to get something a little better. With me working at home, we didn’t really need two vehicles, and they are both over 11 years old…

So then I opened the bill today for our cell phone and just about fainted. Apparently, all of us had been quite unaware of how quickly you can use up 1500 free minutes/month during Rich’s hospitalization. And there I was with a bill that would take half of our property taxes to pay.

I looked at the bill and all I could think was O Lord, please help us. Now what do I do? I needed that money for those property taxes… and the thought came to my mind, “call Sprint, tell them the truth, and ask them for mercy.”

Thank you God for whispering that thought in my mind, and thank you Scott, the young man who answered the phone, and Scott’s supervisor who heard what I told Scott and believed me. I had explained about Rich’s stroke and his death on Aug. 16 and asked if, in light of the fact that we had rarely come close to using our full 1500 minutes for the 3 years we had our contract, would they help us out.

And they did. They drastically reduced the bill. I still needed to pay for all the extra calls, but at far less than the standard 0.40/minute. The bill became affordable.

Thank you Lord for meeting our needs, and using Sprint to help us out.

Comforting Facts

Dvora — Mon, 06 Sep 2010 17:55:16 +0000

This morning, I was reading my Bible and thinking about all the things that I’ve been struggling with this past week. In many ways, it is not the why so much as the, “what now.” I have no choice but to take things day by day… and I am thankful that God is with me every step of the way. But that does not mean I don’t miss Rich, or long for everything to be clear to me. But the truth is, I feel so much in a fog most days… like I’m muddling through, hoping tomorrow I’ll do better, or see more clearly. Yesterday someone shared some things that really comforted me. As I thought about those things, and wrote in my diary, I thought I’d share these thoughts with you. May they encourage you as they have me.

Yesterday, A.H. shared a perspective on predestination I’d never considered before. He said that it really is simply another aspect of God’s sovereignty.

How can we rest in God’s promises if we do not trust Him?
How can we trust Him if He is not fully in control?

Fact – God is in control.

Fact – I’m not

Fact – God knew all this would happen

Fact – God is not surprised or overwhelmed

Fact – Even Jesus wept at Lazarus’ death, and He knew what He was going to do

Fact – I’m human, a sinner, and not God; all my best desires are only that

Fact – The Holy Spirit lives in me and is still leading me and working in me

Fact – I do have free will

Fact – My will is NOT strong than God’s will

Fact – God loves our girls more than I do

Fact – All things work for good to those who love the Lord, who are called according to His purpose (Romans 8:28)

Fact – My feelings to not define my situation

Fact – What I see is not all there is

Fact – God is able to do exceeding abundant beyond all I can ask or imagine

Conclusion: I will trust You Lord, and let You wipe my tears.

New Firsts…

Dvora — Wed, 01 Sep 2010 03:30:29 +0000

My daughter-in-law had some extra tickets to the baseball game tonight… so I thought… OK, I can’t focus, not getting work done, and I don’t want to be home alone again, moping and being by myself, so, what the heck? Called a friend, she happened to be free, and I found myself at my first ever live baseball game. Turns out my friend had never been to one of these games either… and tomorrow is her birthday… so it worked out perfectly for both of us. I was glad she could be blessed as well.

We had amazing seats in a reserved section, with a great view of everything. I was glad to root for the home team because their uniforms were blue and white, which reminded me of Israel. So even though the team (Whitecaps) lost, it was still fun. Since it was the last home game of the season, they ended with fireworks… and those reminded me of the races Rich and I went to on July 4th… he always loved the races. I found them pretty interesting, but noisy. I wouldn’t mind going to another race – but somehow I don’t think I’ll enjoy the car races as much without him. Rich loved car racing and somehow, I think I was seeing the race through his eyes, as he would explain about the drivers, the skill, their training, the engines, what the differences were between the cars and races… and just plain laughing at the silliness like trashcan bowling and school buses racing each other. As I watched the fireworks, I remembered the last race we went to, the different music, the closeness we had… wiped away a few tears, and was so thankful for so many good memories. The one thing I really liked about the races, more than baseballl, was that the races always open with prayer… that amazed me and I thought it was pretty special.

Still, it was nice to discover that I like baseball, even though I kept hoping for a hole in one (you, know, where the batter hits the ball and it gets caught and its an out) and a touchdown (where the person on third base reaches home without being out). Sadly, the opposing team got a check mate, with the score 13 to 7 to finish…

The girls were working there tonight, but in a crowd of over 5,000 people, I did not see them. (They both work in the concession stands selling food). So overall, a nice evening was had by all. And I discovered there may be some sports I enjoy watching. Now to find one I enjoy doing, but that is another story…

Like the eye of a hurricane

Dvora — Mon, 30 Aug 2010 03:50:07 +0000

When I was a kid, oh, around 13 or 14, just after my father died, my mother and I had been out visiting friends. We had not listened to the weather report. But when at our friends, we learned of a hurricane headed our way, and so we headed home. We had the rare experience of driving home in the eye of the hurricane. It was a weird experience. We could hear the wind. We could see it lashing in the distance around us. We saw the dark clouds in the surrounding distance. But immediately above us, all was clear… it was so strange. We got home safely – and if I recall correctly, I saw blue sky, and we got home dry.

My mother thanked God, and I thought, “storm? What storm?”

During the night we heard the raging winds and beating rains. In the morning we looked outside to see the havoc wreaked by the storm. A damaged roof, a felled tree… to the best of our knowledge, our house was the only one in the neighborhood not damaged by the storm. God took care of my recently widowed mother, and me.

Tonight I received encouraging words from so many friends at church, and then a phone call from a friend with whom I worked in Israel. As I sit here now and consider the amazing people God has brought into my life, I realize that in many ways, that God, and my friends are the eye of a hurricane to me. While the storm rages about me, the storm of grief and sorrow and unanswered questions, the tears that come unexpectedly… I have a foundation in my creator who has surrounded me with a wall of friends.

I am stunned at how many people are in my life as more than casual acquaintances. In Hebrew we have two words for friends, ‘yadidim’ and ‘chaverim’ – the latter word is the closest relationship, but ‘yadidim’ also has a relational quality to it, just not as close as ‘chaverim’ – Although there is ‘yadid nefesh’ – a friend of the soul – which usually is only God.

I have a yadid nefesh in my creator, and am surrounded with yadidim and chaverim from many parts of my life – from my past in the States, my years in Israel, colleagues from work and my professional organization, and people whom I am still getting to know here in the States, as well as my own new family that Rich gave me.

All the money in the world cannot buy the friends I have been blessed with. I am not worthy of these friends. Oh, what they have put up with from me. I do not know why I have been so blessed. But I am so very blessed. In this storm of loss, truly I am in the eye of the hurricane of grief. My loss is great – yes. The storm is there. I will not minimize our loss. But I am so blessed and so thankful for the good memories as well, and thankful for each of you, encouraging me in your way, whether by visits, email, phone calls, or prayers that I will never know about until I too have made the journey to my final home.

And so, this evening, although I am still missing my husband, and wish I could share these thoughts with him too, I am so very thankful. First, for my Lord and Savior who will never give up on me, and holds me in His hands, and second, for all the wonderful people He has brought into my life.

Amen.