Lately, my heart has been considering the following verse:

For this light momentary affliction is preparing for us an eternal weight of glory beyond all comparison (2 Cor. 4:17)

What is this weight of glory? What does it feel like? How am I to understand it? The truth is, I need to understand it.
In my last post, I don’t believe I answered the question of the songwriter:  How DO you learn how to live? How DO you learn how to die, if you’ve never lived or died before?

We are faced with choices in life, but there are two over which we have no power: The day we are born and the day we die. And today, as I pondered these weighty matters (note the word “weight”) I realized,

You learn to live, by living.
You learn to die, by dying.

We spend our whole lives learning to live. And then, we die. Some of us given time to learn to die. My husband was given three weeks. My girlfriend’s mother had only a few days… And yes, if you were able to follow my posts on Facebook, I’ve been concerned for a dear friend’s dying mother. Yesterday, Darlene joined the witnesses who surround us and is now with her precious savior. But my friend is now an orphan.

I was talking with my shipping agent, and he shared that with his mother’s death a few months ago, at the age of 56, he finds himself orphaned, and doesn’t like it.

And the list goes on, and tears leak from my eyes as I write. Momentary affliction? The mind without understanding screams in protest. How can any “weight of glory” comfort our bereft hearts?

But I read the verses before and the verses after and a light flashed in my soul.

So we do not lose heart. Though our outer self  is wasting away, our inner self is being renewed day by day. For this light momentary affliction is preparing for us an eternal weight of glory beyond all comparison, as we look not to the things that are seen but to the things that are unseen. For the things that are seen are transient, but the things that are unseen are eternal.
For we know that if the tent that is our earthly home is destroyed, we have a building from God, a house not made with hands, eternal in the heavens. For in this tent we groan, longing to put on our heavenly dwelling, if indeed by putting it on we may not be found naked. For while we are still in this tent, we groan, being burdened, not that we would be unclothed, but that we would be further clothed, so that what is mortal may be swallowed up by life. He who has prepared us for this very thing is God, who has given us the Spirit as a guarantee.

So we are always of good courage. We know that while we are at home in the body we are away from the Lord, for we walk by faith, not by sight. Yes, we are of good courage, and we would rather be away from the body and at home with the Lord. So whether we are at home or away, we make it our aim to please him.
II Cor. 4: 16 through 5:9

I hope you read all those verses. It’s a lot to take in. But what hit me, in context, was chapter 5, verse 1. I KNOW that if my earthly home (my body) is destroyed, I will be with my God, and if I am here in this body, I can have courage to live, and walk through death (when it come), because my aim is to please my wonderful God and Savior, who has prepared a place for me. A SURE hope.

But what is this weight of glory? It is beyond imagining. Heavy, tangible, concrete. That is what a weight is. Sportsmen lift weight to become strong. And somehow, I am made stronger by knowing this weight is ahead. It will not weigh me down, but set me free. In heaven, I will touch, carry, live, in a reality more real than this world, all that God has for me. It will be glorious. And I cannot lift that weight now. It is too heavy for me.

But on that day! My friends Judy and Evelyn, my husband Rich, and my friend’s mother Darlene, are now carrying that weight of glory. I rejoice for them. I am so thankful for them.

And for those of us left behind: sisters, brothers, nieces, nephews, sons, daughters, spouses, we can, if we know our Savior Jesus, take courage. We will learn how to live on, by living on, and when our day comes, we will join the throng, finally able also to carry that weight of glory.

Hallelujah! What a Savior!

Years ago, there was a group called Second Chapter of Acts. They had a song with some words that gripped me, and still do when I consider the times I’m living in:

How do you learn how to live,
if you’ve never lived before?
…
How do you learn how to die,
if you’ve never died before?

I think sometimes this is the challenge for all of us. We are born, bursting with life and death seems so distant. Yet it is always lurking there, the last enemy, as Scripture puts it.

I sometimes think I’ve barely caught on to the business of living. Dieing, on the other hand, offends. It hits at our very weakest, and reminds how short time is here on earth. And for many it is a comfortless ending.

When I think about my faith in Jesus, I realize that both life and death test to my very core. How DO I learn to get it right in this life? I have come to the conclusion that I can’t, on my own. I need God. I need my Savior to help me, to save me through this life I live, and enable me to get it right, as only HE can enable me.

Death tests me in a different way. All of the losses, great and small, are precursors to my own demise… and there is my difficulty. Please don’t laugh, but I’m not completely convinced that I will die! I’m not talking about denial. Truthfully, physical death is inevitable. But, if Jesus takes me via the rapture first, then I won’t die. And as I look at the times in which I live, and reread scripture, Daniel, Ezekiel, Zechariah, Matthew, 1&2 Thessalonians, Revelation, it is clear to me that the season is near. We are approaching momentous events. The times ARE changing. Even people who don’t believe like I do are talking about the world situation, and a possible “end of the world” as we know it. The end IS near…

But near is not here. Not yet. And so, physical death challenges me. As long as I am alive in this body, I will hate to see the suffering that dear friends go through. I will miss those who have gone on before me, and I pray that I will be a light, pointing to my savior, because we ALL need a savior, and without Him, we are already dead in our sins.

I suppose I’m rambling, but these are my thoughts these days, burdened for those who do not know or want to know Jesus, grieving for dear ones suffering, and yet, rejoicing, because God remains God, faithful and true, and I am so thankful that the God of creation, the God of the universe, the God of Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob, the God who gave of Himself through Jesus to save us, if we’d just believe… This God, is my God.

I just received an email that a precious friend and saint has died. I tried to find her obituary on the Internet, but maybe it’s too soon, as she only died a couple days ago. One of her friends remembered me and thought to let me know. I’m glad. My friend, Evenly Grey, only had a few nieces and nephews and I don’t think they would have known much about our friendship.

Evelyn was 20 years older than me, or so. I first got to know her through my mother. In fact, she was one of the few people I still had contact with who knew my Mom before they knew me! We became friends and she was an amazing encouragement to me over the years, sharing with me her struggles, victories, and faith in her Lord and Savior Jesus.

When I drove out to Colorado in November of 2010, following Rich’s death, I drove out to Minnesota to visit her. We had a wonderful time of fellowship and she was so excited to hear what God was doing in my life, and sharing some things she was working on… writing, encouraging others, and increasing in her love for Jesus and her burden for those who did not know him.

During my last visit to Michigan, before I returned to Israel, I thought I had lost contact with her and was so very upset. But a letter was forwarded to me and I was able to get a phone number and write as well as call her before I left. We had a nice time sharing… but she sounded a lot weaker than before. However she insisted she was quite well and happy in her new assisted living apartment.

I will miss Evelyn’s letters, talking with her, and her encouragement and prayers. And in missing her, I realize how very much I miss so many others who have gone on before me:
My parents: whom I should probably write about separately sometime, but from whom I learned and still learn much from gleaned memories.
Hugette; a dear lady who taught me a lot about growing old and staying faithful.
Bevin; a dear brother who taught me about patience, and reminded me that we must always battle sin, to the end
Heidi: A precious older lady who taught me about learning to let go of regrets and move on to what the Lord has for us, even when not what we wanted
Rich, my husband, whom I seem to miss more as the days go on.
And Judy, another precious friend whom I also miss more and more…

And as I lift my tears up to the Lord, I am so very thankful that someday death will be fully defeated, and we shall see the Lord face to face, and I will see all those who have gone before me, and we will be with our precious Savior forever.

I had my first English class with my new Chinese students on Friday night. The class was smaller than usual as one of the students was hospitalized last week. Fortunately she is doing well, for which I’m thankful. But the students who did come were quite intrigued.

I had felt led to do a study on the book of Esther. This is as exciting for me as I hope it will be for them. Since this book is a true story, I wanted to find a “fish hook” so to speak, from extra-Biblical history that would draw the students into the book of Esther. None of them believe in God and the three whom I met with on Friday night have read very little of the Bible. So I needed a hook that would really make them WANT to read this book with more than just the desire to learn English.

As I did my studies, I learned something amazing. King Ahasuerus (Xerxes I) was a very interesting king from the perspective of history. And Persian history has left a record of just what he was doing and when from their perspective of what was important. When you make a timeline of recorded history, and lay it over the timeline as recorded in the book of Esther, you get a very compatible history of events. Further, there are records about Xerxes’ personality and deeds. When you superimpose these on the man seen in the book of Esther, there is no contradiction. In fact, you are left with the feeling that the book of Esther was written by someone who knew everything quite well, and who was so aware of the facts around the story (as would have been the readers), that there was no need for explanations and details that were beyond the scope of the author, that is, to make sure we knew about Queen Esther and how/why Purim came to be celebrated amongst the Jewish people.

I was very thankful when, after the lesson, my students all asked Mr. Wong (the pastor of the Chinese church) if they could borrow Bibles to take home with them, as they want to read the book of Esther in Chinese before the next lesson!