These past few days have been crazy as I finish up some private work projects, pack, and prepare to return to Michigan–and that in preparation for my return to Israel.

I don’t know why, but I keep remembering how many times I have flown in and out of the Grand Rapids airport. When Rich was alive, all work related, and once, to visit my friend Judy in Canada. Each time he drove me to the airport and would give me a big hug, walk as far as he could with me, give me a big kiss and tell me to come back, and each time, I came back to his big hug and beautiful smile.

This time I’m coming back… but to leave… leaving behind all he held dear and all I came to hold dear as well…

But for now, I have a bit more than a month to look forward to with friends and family, and good memories. I’d be lying if I said all memories are good… but all memories make up a whole and are precious.

And through it all I am so very conscious of God’s good hand upholding me and gently leading me along a path I never expected. I am realizing that even grief and heartache are not bad. How we seek to avoid engaging with these feelings–at least I know I do. But numbing myself by staying up late until I’m too tired to think or playing games until my mind is blank don’t remove the grief and heartache.

The odd thing is, I am more alive when I let myself feel, when allow the memories to flood my heart and mind, and when I allow the tears to fall. The Bible says that God gathers each of our tears in His bottle… and I suppose each of us… if we dared let it be known, has an awfully big bottle guarded jealously by a loving Father.

And so I wrote this poem as I remembered all the good things God taught me because of Rich…

My Yellow-Red Hat*

You were my perfect fit
Yellow feathers graced in red
Turning me into
one rare bird
singing for all to hear.
But only you heard.

You were my covering
allowing me to be
accepting me as I was
learning to enjoy life all over
the mirror’s reflection changed.
But I couldn’t keep the hat.

Your love taught me–to love.
Your patience taught me–to wait.
Your father’s heart taught me–to pray.
Your gentleness taught me–to listen.
Your absence taught me–to grieve with hope.
You were my yellow-red hat.

*The idea of a yellow-red hat came from a dream I had the night before I wrote this poem. A rather convoluted dream that ended with me wearing a yellow-red hat that I really liked.

Well, yes, it was my birthday, but there were no cherries on that cake… rather, the expression is from the Hebrew… and in English, “the icing on the cake.”

You see I did have a lovely birthday celebration with many of my friends, and my godchildren, and the Chinese congregation. What a mixture of languages and cultures, from American, Hebrew, Arabic to Chinese! Languages wafting through the air like incense.

And then “Abba” Wong (I call him Abba because he and his wife have been like adopted mom and dad to me here in Israel in many ways.) asked me to come in to talk with my future Chinese students. When I had first heard about teaching English with the English Bible as a text book again, at Noa’s baptism, I was thrilled. Could it get better? I didn’t think so. As soon as I made the commitment, the thought was in my mind, what book should I begin with? My mind quickly wandered over several, but knowing most of my students would be ladies, somehow, I couldn’t shake the thought of the book of Esther.

So now Abba Wong is asking me to come and meet some of my future students, one of whom is a guest professor at one of the universities in Haifa. We greeted each other, exchanged names, and then I was asked to share a little about what I would be teaching. So I prayed, and felt peace, even though the professor was a man, to say that we would be learning from the book of Esther. His eyes lit up. “Really?” and then he continued, “I’ve tried reading the Old Testament, and the only book that I think is not boring is Esther!”

Did I need further confirmation that good doors are opening before me?

So on Saturday, several friends mentioned they thought I needed to get my ticket back to Israel as soon as possible, since prices are going up. I had tried from the US to contact ElAl to check the price of tickets for returning Israelis, to no avail. In the meanwhile, I finally found a reasonable ticket for August 7… which would still let me have a Sunday with my congregation and family before returning. But reasonable only if ElAl would not work out.

Finally succeeded to get them on the phone. The ticket was reasonable, but only from JFK to Tel Aviv. I would have to purchase the Grand Rapids to JFK portion separately… and THAT was a horse of a different color. No direct flights to JFK and paying for each piece of luggage… made the other option cheaper.

So, the office is closed today, tomorrow I order my return ticket…

All that overshadows the bad news I received from my doctor on June 16… my blood work for the new job came back and I’ve been diagnosed with diabetes Type 2. So I’ve started on meds, and am trying to be more careful about what I eat.

The Lord is good, and His mercy endures forever. As I considered all these things this morning, all I could do was lift a grateful heart up to my God and thank Him for how He does care for me and direct me so gently. Carried by His grace every day, surrounded by His love… what more can I ask for?

I never cease to be amazed at God’s goodness. I’ve shared about work, and finding a place to live… but God is moving in far more than just my life…

Friday I went to my god-daughter’s baptism. She and two others were baptized. Amazing testimonies of God’s grace, working in people’s hearts in such different ways. I would like to share with you what was shared by a young man from Russia now living in Israel. He was a drug addict, and had a huge file with the police here in Israel–over 24 arrests!

Just before his final arrest he had met a friend who has become a believer in Jesus. He had been stunned by the change. And so, he began to ask questions for the first time in his life. We are talking about a man that everyone was afraid of. He began going to meetings, and began to think maybe there was something else in life besides the way he was living. He heard about a place in Haifa where he could go to get off of drugs. And then he was arrested. This time, he was told that the odds of his being released were quite low. He was looking at hard time in prison.

The night before he went to court, he prayed, “God, if you are real, let them release me, and I will go to that place in Haifa and seek You and change.”

He went to court. The prosecuting attorney pressed the judge to impose a maximum sentence on this young man. He deserved it. His record showed that clearly. The testimony of others proved it. This young man did not deserve mercy.

He shared, “For the first time in all the times since I had been brought to court, the judge asked me if I had anything to say. They had never asked me anything before. They just read the charges, presented the evidence, and passed their sentence. I told the judge, ‘There is a place in Haifa where I want to go to get clean, they told me about God. I want to change. Let me go there.’”

The young man continued to speak, “The judge asked the prosecuting attorney what he thought. The attorney answered, ‘Who am I to stand in the way of giving this man a chance?’ The judge turned to me and said I was released, and I knew there was a God. I came to Haifa… and I tried to get off of drugs… and God in His mercy delivered me in one night… I want to live for Jesus.”

I wish you could have seen the joy in his face when he came out of the waters! All Glory to God!

A few people wrote that they were not sure what was going on with me… so I thought I’d write this quick update. I have signed a contract to begin work, sometime in August, at a local hospital as their English Editor for Critical Documentation. I have also found a place to live from Aug-Feb one block from the hospital!

I have friends who have been looking for work for over 2 years, and am very grateful to the Lord for opening these good doors for me. So, on June 30 I leave Israel to return to the US and pack up my things, see my family, say goodbye, and then head back to Israel in August. The job includes 4 weeks paid vacation a year… so I’m hopeful to be able to visit.

I have to admit, the timing is not deliberate, but does seem weird to me… Rich and I had our religious wedding here in Israel on August 10, 2007; he went to be with his savior on August 16, 2010, and in August 2011, I’ll be returning to Israel to live… all to show that the cliches are true: reality is stranger than fiction… and my reality is not as strange as many of the stories I’ve heard from others who have come here to live.

Today is a special day as well: my second god-child, Noa, is being making her public commitment of faith by immersion today! She was hoping I could be here for this day…

So much to be thankful for… she also likes the song, “Who Am I” by Casting Crowns, so I’ll be singing that today for her… and agree totally with the ending… Whom shall I fear? And the answer… No one, because I belong to my Lord, and He IS good!

Today is Erev Shavuot, the Feast of Weeks in English. For those on the Christian calendar, this holiday is the equivalent of Pentecost; the church celebrates the giving of the Holy Spirit to all believers in Yeshua (Jesus).

The book of Ruth is traditionally read at Shavuot. Since I bought my Kindle, I’ve been downloading all kinds of free books, and one happened to be about the book of Ruth. The author proposes that Naomi is the female equivalent of Job, and that the book of Ruth is really about God’s tremendous grace, among other things. Thoughts that I have been pondering the past few weeks.

And that brings me to today… I met my new landlord for the flat I’ll be sharing with a Danish lady, Karin, for the next 7 months. I don’t know how, but as we sat and talked, we somehow got onto the subject of the holiday, and a friend who was with us mentioned the book of Ruth, and weirdly, she said to him, “Debbie is like Naomi… she left Israel for her husband, and is returning without him.” And that led to us talking about what is and is not in the Bible.. and he said that he didn’t think he could have a strong faith after all he’d gone through, and that somehow led to talking about how he does not believe in abortion, and that led to discussion of what determines life, and what if someone is after a stroke and can do nothing… are they alive or dead?

And that led to my being able to share with my new landlord what happened to Rich and I, and how sure I was that Rich’s life was worthwhile and how alive he was through those last difficult weeks, and how I had asked Rich if he was certain that God was totally in charge of his life, not the doctors and not the respirator, and how Rich had indicated he was sure… and that he was ready to go home… and that led to sharing from the Psalms and my landlord asking which Psalm, and he wanted to be sure so he could read some for himself…

I can’t help but think how happy Rich would have been to know that someone heard about God’s love through his suffering… and how Shavuot celebrates God’s abundant provision through the harvest, His provision to a widow through her daughter-in-law, and the pouring out of His spirit to all who place their trust in HIS Messiah…

According to the Jewish Calendar, Rich and I were married on Shavuot, even though according to the Julian Calendar we were married on May 23. What a wonderful way to celebrate Shavuot–sharing God’s love and rejoicing in His goodness to me in all things. As it is written, “He makes all things beautiful in His time…” (Ecclesiastes)