Music… I have always loved songs, especially when they come from the Scripture. Sometimes I’ll be reading the Psalms, and begin singing as I read, remembering choruses, verses, whole passages set to music. When Rich and I were married, one song that I wanted sung at our wedding was from Psalm 139. I always have loved that Psalm, and as we sang it at our wedding, I was overwhelmed by the wonder of God knowing us so intimately. With all my heart, I could sing “Wonderful are They works, and my soul knows it very well.”

This morning I was rereading this Psalm and again, moved to tears at the wonder of this great God whom I love and who loves me. The creator of the universe, involved in my life? When I meditate on the words of this Psalm, I am overwhelmed again, by who God IS.

I’ve pasted the first few verses of Psalm 139 below, and wanted to share a few thoughts with you today, thoughts that minister to me….

In Hebrew, the first verse reads: “For the choir director. A Psalm of David.” It’s a shame that in the English Bible this is separate, kind of like a title. But that phrase is also part of His word to us, and I think for a purpose. It is written for the choir director. That means that a choir would be directed (by that director) to sing this. So this was a Psalm sung in Temple worship. If it was relevant for worship then, how much more so today? God has not changed, and so worship of our wonderful God should not change. Second, it is written by David. As I read Psalm 139, I can think about all we know about David’s life. His successes and failures. Surely then, this Psalm can encourage me to be equally transparent in my worship of God.

Verses 2-6 (3-7 in English):

O LORD, You have searched me and known me. You know when I sit down and when I rise up; You understand my thought from afar. You scrutinize my path and my lying down, And are intimately acquainted with all my ways. Even before there is a word on my tongue, Behold, O LORD, You know it all. You have enclosed me behind and before, And laid Your hand upon me. Such knowledge is too wonderful for me; It is too high, I cannot attain to it.

I remember years ago, attending a Bible study. An elderly friend, Hugette, was speaking on these verses. She shared that these, and the following verses (7-12) could be terrifying if one thought about it. In essence, absolutely nothing is hidden from God. She shared that sometimes it made it hard to approach Him, if we did not know that He wants us to approach Him. I remember not understanding this. I felt the verses were comforting, that God knew everything and still accepted me. These past few months, I’ve realized that both perspectives are true. The key, as I was reading this morning, is in verse 7 (6 in English): “Such knowledge is too wonderful for me; It is too high, I cannot attain to it.”

I realized this morning as I read, how can I ever begin to comprehend how great God is, how holy He is? More than that, in my struggles in life, how can I begin to fully comprehend the Hope HE has given me, to be with Him in eternity? An eternity that has no sin, where I will be changed, where all the things He knows about me have been cleansed, purified… how can we even come close to comprehending a perfect world? Surely this is too high. I cannot begin to attain to it.

And yet, He has enclosed ME completely in His care… I was in His care when I got on a plane in 1982 and flew to Israel. I was in His care when I walked down the aisle and married Rich in 2007. I was in His care (and so was Rich) when God took Rich home in 2010. And I am still in His care now, in 2011. And the amazing thing is, He knows everything, all my thoughts, my motives, my failings (which are very many), and I am still in HIS care.

I hope you too will take the time to meditate on this Psalm today, and discover the great comfort and awe of this God who never gave up on David, and will never give up on us, who knows it all, and who will answer the closing prayer of this Psalm, if we will pray it:

Search me, O God, and know my heart; Try me and know my anxious thoughts; And see if there be any hurtful way in me, And lead me in the everlasting way.

“For the choir director. A Psalm of David.

O LORD, You have searched me and known me.You know when I sit down and when I rise up; You understand my thought from afar. You scrutinize my path and my lying down, And are intimately acquainted with all my ways. Even before there is a word on my tongue, Behold, O LORD, You know it all. You have enclosed me behind and before, And laid Your hand upon me. Such knowledge is too wonderful for me; It is too high, I cannot attain to it.

Where can I go from Your Spirit? Or where can I flee from Your presence? If I ascend to heaven, You are there; If I make my bed in Sheol, behold, You are there. If I take the wings of the dawn, If I dwell in the remotest part of the sea, Even there Your hand will lead me, And Your right hand will lay hold of me. If I say, “Surely the darkness will overwhelm me, And the light around me will be night,” Even the darkness is not dark to You, And the night is as bright as the day. Darkness and light are alike to You.

For You formed my inward parts; You wove me in my mother’s womb. I will give thanks to You, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made; Wonderful are Your works, And my soul knows it very well. My frame was not hidden from You, When I was made in secret, And skillfully wrought in the depths of the earth; Your eyes have seen my unformed substance; And in Your book were all written The days that were ordained for me, When as yet there was not one of them.

How precious also are Your thoughts to me, O God! How vast is the sum of them! If I should count them, they would outnumber the sand. When I awake, I am still with You.

O that You would slay the wicked, O God; Depart from me, therefore, men of bloodshed. For they speak against You wickedly, And Your enemies take Your name in vain. Do I not hate those who hate You, O LORD? And do I not loathe those who rise up against You? I hate them with the utmost hatred; They have become my enemies.

Search me, O God, and know my heart; Try me and know my anxious thoughts; And see if there be any hurtful way in me, And lead me in the everlasting way.”

(Psalms 139 NAS95)

The day has barely started, and several thoughts to wrestle with. Among them, what am I thinking of, getting rid of the apartment that God so graciously provided me with? If I am to settle in Israel, where will I live? Rents are as high as the mortgage. As I considered these issues, talked with others, and prayed about them, the thought struck me, either God is sovereign in the sale of my apt. as well as every other part of life, or He is not sovereign, and He was not sovereign in Rich’s death.

Weighty thoughts for a Thursday morning. My conclusion? God is not sovereign part time. He is not a part time God involved in our lives today, and turning his back on us tomorrow. Granted, we may feel like it sometimes, but that does not change who He is.

When Rich was alive, I was working by contract for a company out of town. Every indication was that this company was going to hire me. With much prayer we began to look for a second car that I could use to commute with, so Rich would not have to drive me to work every day. We looked and looked for a couple of months. We finally found one that was in good condition and in our price range. The day after we bought the car, I was released from that job! I was devastated at the time. Rich kept reminding me that God was sovereign… and he was so right. We had multiple reasons to bless the Lord for that car long after the job was gone. In fact, that is the car I am using now.

I made a huge decision this week. Was it the right one? I think so, but if I had to swear in a court of law, I’d have to say, I hope so. What I do know is that I can pray the same prayer I prayed when Rich was so very ill. “Lord, not my will, but Yours be done.” I so very much wanted God’s will to be a healing for Rich in this life. But it was not His will. And I can pray the same with regard to Israel and my apartment. Anything can happen between now and the final sale. I will trust HIM with the final outcome.

One thing I know, God is not a part-time God.

After thinking about these things, I sat down to do my morning reading. I had prayed this morning with some friends, and they quoted Proverbs 3:5-6. And wouldn’t you know? That was the verse in my morning reading. Thank you Lord!

“Trust in the LORD with all your heart And do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him, And He will make your paths straight.”
(Proverbs 3:5-6 NAS95)

Well, the news that I’ve been waiting for has finally come, and leaves me with so much to think about. I’ve learned that finally, after months of waiting, an offer has been made on my flat in Israel – it will cover the mortgage and meet some needs, pay off some money I owe.

It is interesting timing. I’m schedule to leave for Israel on March 27, to spend time with friends there, and check out my options. Now, suddenly, the entire picture has changed. If the sale goes through, I will be able to be open to options that I never could have considered otherwise. Few people, at my age, have the opportunity to really start over.

As I’ve been praying about all this, I realize that this is not a sign that I should not stay in Israel,nor is it a sign that I should stay in the States, rather it is the Lord’s mercy to lift the burden of this mortgage from my shoulders. When I bought the apartment I was working in hi-tech and would have been able to pay it off early with the resources that were available to me. Starting out new, the situation is quite different.

My thoughts are drawn to King David and his grief when he lost his son. Yet his words are true about so much more than I have ever realized:

The Lord gives, the Lord takes away, blessed be the name of the Lord.

When I came to Israel I was 27 years old. I came with two suitcases and some hand-luggage, and mailed myself a box of books. I had debts which the Lord graciously covered shortly after I arrived. I was a volunteer on a one-way ticket with a conviction in my heart that I was in Israel to stay, at least for as long as He wanted me there. Almost 25 years later I left with a lift of things, most of which I never was able to unpack or use, and with the hopes of building a new home with Rich. The hope was fulfilled, but not as I expected.

I have been realizing these past few months, that God is giving me a rare opportunity to start over with relatively few encumbrances. This time, I do not have the exuberance and naivety of youth, but the sure Word of God as my foundation, the God who has a far different economy than ours. He invests in lives to save souls; not in banks to save for IRAs.

A few weeks ago I heard a teaching that has been a great encouragement to me. You see, even as I write this, I am aware that I am my own worst enemy. I hurt people I love, I get my focus on the wrong things, and I am still learning to be obedient to the Lord I love. The speaker said that we, as believers in Jesus, need to realize that according to scripture, we are “Saints” now. We are forgiven sinners by the blood of Messiah, and that makes us Saints. Not miracle workers, not people with any special gift or ability that stands out from others. What is a saint? Someone set apart (holy) for God. And here is the thing that I keep needing to be reminded, I’m set apart for God because of the work of my Savior. His death became my imputed righteousness. Over and over, I’m reminded to keep short accounts with God. I don’t need to wait for a special day or service to repent of my sin. I just need to come to Him now, right away, and He is there to meet me, and forgive me. All because of what Jesus did for me on the cross.

As I think on this, and all that is happening in my life, I am overwhelmed by the wonder of HIS love, HIS grace, and the sure HOPE I have in Him. Yes, I still grieve, but not as one without hope. And I am looking forward to the new beginning HE has for me now. May HIS will be done.

Second day into 2011, and I was wondering what to write or share. Truth be told, I have not had a lot to say these days. It snowed just before the New Year, which is OK, just means wearing warmer clothes when I go out. Was getting dressed for the meeting this morning, and realized that my sweater  and coat were bought when I was visiting Judy in Canada four years ago, with my first meeting with Rich in mind.

In fact, I had bought my boots in Israel, in preparation for the trip. I knew I’d be in Toronto and I had no boots since snow isn’t a winter item in Haifa. One day Judy, her sister Ros and I went shopping. I needed a nice winter coat and they took me to a very nice thrift shop where I got an amazing winter coat for only $20. Then we went shopping for sweaters so I’d be warm in Toronto. This Christmas Judy’s sister and brother-in-law sent me a lovely necklace (green and crystal like) along with some other special items.

So here I was this morning, wearing my boots, sweater, coat and necklace, thinking of Judy, her family, and remembering my first meeting with Rich. I didn’t do it on purpose, that is consciously… but who knows. And, as usual, I found myself drying tears as I drove.

During the worship we sang a song that spoke to depths of my soul, and really says it all. I think those who have not experienced grief don’t really understand that we find ourselves feeling happy, sad, missing our loved ones, thankful for them, and it is not something we can separate out. But as we sang this song, all I could do is sing it with my whole heart, because it was the truth… blessed be the Name of the Lord… no matter what. And so, as we face a new year, may it be one in which we all find ourselves blessing our wonderful God and Savior, thankful that we belong to Him… no matter what we face, may we find ourselves able to bless His name!

Blessed Be the Name by Matt Redman

Blessed Be Your Name
In the land that is plentiful
Where Your streams of abundance flow
Blessed be Your name

Blessed Be Your name
When I’m found in the desert place
Though I walk through the wilderness
Blessed Be Your name

Every blessing You pour out
I’ll turn back to praise
When the darkness closes in, Lord
Still I will say

Blessed be the name of the Lord
Blessed be Your name
Blessed be the name of the Lord
Blessed be Your glorious name

Blessed be Your name
When the sun’s shining down on me
When the world’s ‘all as it should be’
Blessed be Your name

Blessed be Your name
On the road marked with suffering
Though there’s pain in the offering
Blessed be Your name

Every blessing You pour out
I’ll turn back to praise
When the darkness closes in, Lord
Still I will say

Blessed be the name of the Lord
Blessed be Your name
Blessed be the name of the Lord
Blessed be Your glorious name

Blessed be the name of the Lord
Blessed be Your name
Blessed be the name of the Lord
Blessed be Your glorious name

You give and take away
You give and take away
My heart will choose to say
Lord, blessed be Your name